Do you think about me, Mom?

I wanted to giggle when you first touched my toes,
I wanted Grandpa to tell you that I have your nose.
I wanted to come into the world in the usual way,
I wanted, more than anything, to take your breath away.

I wanted you to cry on my first day of school,
I wanted to get in trouble for not following the rules.
I wanted you to buy me Lunchables for every fieldtrip,
I wanted you to cheer me on at the first game I pitched.

I wanted you to sigh when you first gave me car keys,
I wanted to take my first date out to dinner at O’Charleys.
I wanted you to be there, to see me graduate.
I wanted to go to college at the Ohio State.

 

I might have loved science, and followed my vision
of helping find cures for Alzheimers and Autism.

I might have been an intellectual; I might have wanted to teach
I might have inspired a generation to try harder for peace.

 

I could have made you laugh,
I could have made you proud,
I could have made you change your mind,
if only you allowed…

For me to have a chance!

 

If you really didn’t want me
I’m sure I could have found a home
with that couple across town
who can’t have one of their own.

If you really didn’t want me
why didn’t you take extra care
to make sure I never happened;
Mom, how is this FAIR?

You don’t think I’m alive,

But Mom, you’re so wrong!
I’m your son, I’m your daughter,
and you’re letting me die alone?

I guess if it’s what you want, Mom,
I have no defense.
I guess I really am a “choice”
And this is where I’ll meet my end.

Do you think about me, Mom?
Does it make you upset?
Do you wonder who I might have been?
Do you ever have regret?

I forgive you, Mom,
but I have to ask,
please remember me, Mom,
please give your next one a chance.


- Carly Rekosh